Da Bears

Dream On dept.

A few nights ago I dreamed I was hired by the Chicago Bears.

What, exactly, I would be doing, was not specified.

Maybe if I’d slept longer, it would have become apparent.

I know I got the phone call, and I know I was headed for a meeting, I assume to discuss terms, and find out what was expected of me.

The dream lingered on into my wakefulness.

I assume I wasn’t going to be used in an on-the-field capacity.

It’s true that in high school gym, in flag football, I did surprisingly well at the quarterback position. I threw fairly accurately, even “leading” receivers, which is when you throw the ball to where a receiver is going to be, rather than where he is when you release it.

If it sounds complicated, it is. But still, let’s be real: at this point in our lives, Caleb Williams will probably be more successful than me, playing the quarterback position.

As an employee of The Bears, stepping aside for Williams would be in my employer’s best interests, and I would do so without hesitation.

What other plans might The Bears have for me? Sure, I could hand out meal money in the locker room. Call out the names on the little envelopes and give them to the correct recipients. When I was 11, I found myself in the Kansas Jayhawks locker room after a game against Iowa State, and I witnessed the great Gale Sayers (then the KU athletic director) handing out meal money.

I could do that.

I could stand on the sidelines and hold a clipboard, and yell once in awhile.

I love holding a clipboard. There are few things that project authority more than holding a clipboard. You can gain entrance to all sorts of places just by holding a clipboard. Or sporting a lanyard. Or a shiny badge. But you’d be surprised the doors a clipboard can open. Try it sometime.

Still…would that be the best use of my talents and abilities?

Maybe I would serve in some artistic capacity.

Maybe they wanted me to sing the anthem before every game.

I’ve sung the anthem twice. Once for the Saskatoon Blades of the Western Hockey League, and once for the Syracuse Mets, of the International League.

Here’s my anthem for the Blades:

Since it was in Canada, I sung the Canadian anthem too. That’s like extra credit.

So, maybe that’s what I would do. Sing the anthem before all the Bears games.

But I don’t know. Even if I was really good, would they really want me to sing before every game?

Even if you had Sinatra, or Cher, would you want them to sing the anthem before every game?

Well, maybe if you had Sinatra.

Or Cher.

Maybe I wouldn’t just sing the anthem. Maybe I’d do other things. Write songs for The Bears. Poems.

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Kyle Monangai

Is a really good run guy.

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Or do little sketches of the players during the games.

Caleb Williams

I did write a Bears song a couple years ago. It wasn’t particularly flattering to the team. In fact, it was an out-and-out diss track. A slam.

“The Bears”:

Maybe I wouldn’t sing that song. I’d make up other songs.

I’m sure I’d come up with something.

Meanwhile, there’s still this:

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(Artist-in-Residence graphic by Danielle Lesniewski)