Groundhog Day

Shadow dept.

The Groundhog Day thing has gotten completely out of hand.

When I first heard about it, in first or second grade, I immediately found it suspicious.

“If the Groundhog sees his shadow,” they told us, “He is scared, and runs back in his hole, and we get 6 more weeks of winter.”

If you live in California, or Florida, or Bermuda or whatever, six more weeks of winter is not a big deal. You keep lounging by the pool, and playing croquet outdoors, or surfing and the like.

But in Iowa, or Buffalo, six more weeks of winter is a very big deal.

And so at the age of six or seven, I raised my hand in class and asked the question that was burning inside me:

“If the groundhog sees his shadow, doesn’t that mean the sun’s out? Shouldn’t that portend an earlier end to winter?”

I may not have used the word “portend,” although I might have, and it might be a clue as to why I had few friends. But in any case. You get the idea.

I do not recall ever receiving a dignified answer. I believe there were chuckles, from both the teacher and my fellow students, and we moved on. The curriculum continued. My point was not addressed.

I may have asked the question again, in another class, in another year. I’m not sure. The thing with Groundhog Day is it only comes once every 365 days. Unlike the famous Bill Murray film that everyone knows, and everyone loves, and everyone watches every year, the way we actually experience Groundhog Day is that it comes and it goes. Other than on the Day itself, we don’t think about it much.

The basic fallacy of Groundhog Day, then, only barely flits across our consciousness, and we are on to other things. The Super Bowl. Valentine’s Day. President’s Day. In Britain they have Yorkshire Pudding Day on Feb. 1, which must really complicate things.

I believe we’re simply too busy to deal with the fact that the Groundhog seeing his shadow ought to signify an end to winter, rather than prolonged cold and snow.

Groundhog. With shadow. Not scared.

In the US, Groundhog Day dates back to 1887, at Gobbler’s Knob, a hill in Punxsutawney, PA. It stems from German folklore about Candlemas Day, and the idea that hibernating animals like hedgehogs could predict the weather.

Customs like these might be a stronger argument against immigration than anything we’ve currently got going.

So the Germans believed hedgehogs could predict the weather, and now we are stuck with groundhogs, and somehow because of that we have to endure longer winters.

If I ever gain serious power, where I can decree the color of the uniforms of postal workers, and what holidays we celebrate and the like, you can bet we will have some serious changes with Groundhog Day.

For one thing, if the Groundhog sees his shadow, it means it’s sunny.

And he’s likely to want to stay outside. And dig about. And forage a little.

And clearly, spring is on its way.