Steeplechase

Nine-two dept.

Everyone’s getting taller.

Tennis players are getting taller.

Baseball players are getting taller.

Even librarians are getting taller.

Victor Wembanyama, the great young center for the San Antonio Spurs? No one has any idea how tall the guy is. 7’4”? 7’5”? 7’6”?

No one knows. But he is fluid as no big man before him.

In a sport like basketball, where height is such an obvious premium, it’s no secret that the NBA has been eagerly awaiting the first 8-foot player.

But now, in some sort of evolutionary leap, instead of an 8-footer, we have the specter of the first nine-footer about to enter the league.

And who is this (don’t say freak!) aberration of nature? A Dinka tribesman, loping in the tall brush of the Sudan? A dominating rim-buster from central China? A Siberian giant?

Nope.

In this case, the nine-foot-two behemoth is none other than Jim Steeplechase, out of Braintree, Mass.

Jim Steeplechase

Steeplechase, when contacted by this Substack page, proved to be a thoughtful, articulate young man who is as comfortable, perhaps more comfortable, discussing the works of Evelyn Waugh as he is dissecting the niceties of dunks and layups.

Steeplechase has been playing this past season for Albright College, a small liberal arts school in Reading, Pa.

He has averaged 2.3 points and 1.6 rebounds for the Lions, who compete in the Mid-Atlantic Conference.

The Lions (“Roar With Us!”) struggled early but were able to flirt with the .500 mark after a late-season flurry.

“Honestly,” said head basketball coach Rich Fleeber, “We did better after Jim went down with a calf strain. He’s a stiff.”

Despite his ignoble college hoops career, there are several teams considering gambling on Steeplechase in the upcoming NBA draft.

One scout, speaking anonymously, told us, “He may be the worst player I’ve ever seen, and that includes people who’ve never played at all. But, I mean….he’s nine-two.”

If Steeplechase goes undrafted, he could still attend open tryouts, or possibly play overseas. But he has indicated he’d prefer to stay stateside if possible.

“I like it here,” he has said—“here” being the continental US. “Not a big traveler, tbh.”

One can understand this. The image of a nine-foot-two human cramming his frame into a Delta coach seat would give anyone pause.

But how does he travel from, say, Braintree to Reading? Surely not in a Volvo, or a Tercel?

“My Dad rigged up an oxcart, and put in an F150 engine,” Steeplechase explained. “So that’s been OK.”

Precious little footage exists of Steeplechase on the basketball court, but one Albright student described his style of play as “Disinterested. Still, he’s nine-two.”

Which seems to be the prevailing opinion. We obtained a scouting report from the Philadelphia 76ers, who in their brief summation of Steeplechase said only, “Well, he’s nine-two.”

The hope here is that Steeplechase is able to fill out a bit (he currently weighs 165), develop some skills, and become a serviceable presence on the floor, if not a dominant force (“He’ll never be a dominant force,” states one scout flatly).

And really, just because he’s so tall, it doesn’t mean he has to like basketball, or be any good at it.

Still. He is nine-two.

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“Victor Wembanyama”: