The New Houdini

Mariana Trench dept.

The New Houdini had to do a lot more than the old Houdini.

Which makes sense.

Human progress demands new tricks.

At one time, making a campfire would earn you a standing ovation, shiny beads, and a bowlful of nuts.

Nowadays, the public demands pyrotechnics.

People juggle with fire now. You can’t just flick a Bic and expect adoration.

So when The New Houdini hit the scene, it wasn’t going to be enough to just escape from a locked trunk tossed into a river.

No, The New Houdini escaped from the Space Shuttle. They locked him in there and two hours later he was eating a hot dog at Nathan’s, in Times Square.

He escaped from the Mariana Trench, the deepest ocean floor on the planet. They locked him in a suitcase and left him there, and wouldn’t you know it, he turned up later that afternoon in a Pret a Manger in London, gobbling a cream cheese and cucumber sandwich.

People loved it!

He then escaped from a Sudanese prison camp.

He escaped from a job as a line cook at McDonald’s. No one could believe it! But it happened.

He escaped from a middle management position at Warby Parker. What a feat by The New Houdini!

He escaped from the Green Bay Packers pass rush. Micah Parsons had The New Houdini in his grasp, and then—poof! The New Houdini was in the stands, eating cherries that had been soaked in vodka.

Now that The New Houdini is on the scene, and much in demand, the rumor is that The New Houdini is going to be on tour with Oz the Mentalist, the guy who can read your mind, even though he says he’s not reading your mind. But clearly he’s reading your mind.

No matter what Pablo Torre says.

The New Houdini and Oz the Mentalist are planning a 16-city tour of the American southwest, with new dates being added (Tucson please?!).

They will swap being the opener and the headliner, and going out together will cut costs on the road—travel expenses, food, hotels, even laundry.

It should be quite a show.

It’s rumored that The New Houdini may at some point escape the earth’s gravity, and visit Io, Jupiter’s innermost and most volcanically active moon.

That’d be something!

As for Oz the Mentalist, he’ll just be reading people’s minds. You can’t ask more of someone than that.

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Here’s a song, “Houdini,” from the ‘Birds EP,’ with Orit Shimoni.